Sunday, March 9, 2014

Recovery

Pain may hurt as much as ever, but as time passes, we can put that pain in context so that suffering no longer dominates our whole life.  We can separate ourselves from our pain, so that pain...as well as happiness and every other emotion...becomes merely another vehicle for growth.

Ha! Sun kitties!

I still cry every single day.  Some times it's only a few minutes, some times it's longer.  Grieving a loss is not an easy thing to do, but I believe it's important for healing.   I wish we could turn off love like we turn off a light...there one minute and gone the next.  Instead we must suffer to let our love go.  Can't heal unless you let go.   I plan on healing.  I plan on living a good life.  I must not look to anyone else to make a good life for me; this I must do for myself.  I plan on growing and becoming a stronger more loving and understanding person.  Perhaps even some day, I will be able to forgive.  But first I will surrender to my grief and I will let go of my dreams and my hopes.  I will remind myself that this intense emotional turmoil is temporary and a natural part of recovery.  Feelings aren't facts.  No matter how intense the feelings may be, they are only feelings.  They are reactions to, rather than reflections of, reality.  I will eventually come out of my darkness and find my spot in the sun again.

10 comments:

  1. I don't know if it will help but sometimes I have to remind myself that the sun is *always* shining even when it's covered up by clouds. Sometimes it's enough just to hold on to that thought. Thank you for sharing your journey. xo Jonni xo

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  2. I'm glad you're thinking of it that way. The amazing thing is that once I get through these patches in life, I can never quite clearly remember how painful those times were - only that they were painful. So the weight of the pain you carry with you now will be dulled significantly in the future. I always try to take solace in that. Time takes time - but you only have to go through time once. Best wishes on your path. You sound very grounded!

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    1. I've been attending a lot of Al-Anon meetings. They really help right now.

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    2. Ah, I've been there also. Definitely very helpful!

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  3. I've no words of wisdom and comfort to offer, just a prayer. Keep doing well! :D

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  4. It gets better, I promise. Baby steps add up to big ones and big ones add up to even BIGGER ones. This is some HARD crap you are dealing with right now, but having been in almost the same exact situation as you, I promise you that you will come out on the other side SO MUCH BETTER. Even more fantastic than you already are.

    I also did a LOT of therapy...mine was Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, otherwise known as DBT. It saved and changed my life. Sorry to sound kind of cultish here, it's not like that at all! There is a lot of mindfulness work involved in it, alot of taking personal responsibility and making more thoughtful choices. I highly recommend looking into it.

    Best wishes to you. :-)
    Jenny Kuller

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement Sadie! Besides the Al-non, I have also started my own therapy with a therapist I really like a lot. I have not heard of DBT, I'll have to look into that further. I do really enjoy my al-anon meetings a lot and they are based on self-inventory and of course giving it up to your higher power. It makes me feel better so I keep going!

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