Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The Pain Stops


The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human being with the strengths and weaknesses and even the core of a child.

The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it's hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.

The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can't count on their arms for comfort.

The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.

The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it's like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.

The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.

The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.

The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.

The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don't know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.

The Pain Stops: When you are ready.



  1. Aw, hon - so glad to read that you're on the mend! Hugs from one who has been there, and now is on the other side of it as well.

  2. Time is the best healer - cliche, but so true. Glad to see you're moving toward the future. Stay strong.

    1. Yes, you are right Ann, time does heal. I also believe don't stay stuck thinking about the past when the future is much more exciting!

  3. It is so hard going through a breakup/divorce. It's even harder putting those emotions out there for others to read. I feel your pain as you go through your healing. You are very brave. Like said above, time does heal all wounds, but only if we move past the pain. You are doing such a great job moving forward when many would wallow. Keep taking day by day. If you aren't there already, you'll get to the point where you like who you are without the person better than your life with the person. Forgiveness is such a big step forward, not that you can condone what the person has done, but letting go in your heart makes a world of difference. You have all of our support.

    1. Thank you for all your support! I think sharing my thoughts is not only helpful to me but may be to others. As long as I don't mention him and only talk about myself...I should be fine legally!

  4. You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. It is very affirming for me. I am going through a divorce and you captured the truth I needed to see. I appreciate you sharing your innermost thoughts. You have made a difference today! Peace be with you.

  5. You have written here things I wish I knew when I went through my last break-up. But, I found them along the way. This is a great summation of the stages I went through to get back to peace. Please re-read this post whenever you feel down or doubtful!

  6. Thanks you Mary, i will made a copy and read it each day. Keep your smile :)


  7. it's long, hard and lonely way to go through a break up. last time it took me more than 18 months ... then i met someone ... then i got married. i got happy.

    but i have to be true, some of the pain from back then will never vanish from my feelings. it's not about love it's more dissapiontment. today i know this person sadly treats new partners the same way. it's good to know it was never me. it's just him.