So, I know you are all just dying to know how my Saturday night date went?! Well, the whole date was great but my three favorite parts were 1. locking him out of the car and laughing while he was pumping gas as I sat inside the car ( oh yes, I'm evil) 2. holding his hand 3. the way he kissed me goodnight. What?? Were you expecting me to say...the food?? :)
Then he left and I proceeded to have a good, short cry in the shower. It wasn't that I was sad or upset, I just never in my life thought I would be where I am. You see, I'm a very loyal kind of girl.... and even though I'm legally separated, working on my divorce, and haven't seen Mr. A.S.S.Y. since March, it still felt a little weird. It just felt like I did something really, really bad...and then I realized it was really, really fun and I would love to do something really, really fun again on another date! Go me!!
I know you're all thinking, Wow MaryD, that sounds great!! But wait a sec because I haven't gotten to the part where I run away yet! And yes, there is that part to tell. You see, through a few text message exchanges later that week, my "friend" that I went on the date with, disclosed that he has 2 ladies he "talks to" to kill the time as he waits for his "keeper" girl. But one of them he was getting ready to "kick to the curb" because she was nothing but "drama". Can you say OUCH! Can you say stomach twisted into a knot. Can you say flash back to December 6, 2013, when I read some text messages that made me feel the same way, just more in a "hey my fucking life as I know it is over and I might as well walk out into a snow bank, close my eyes, and just go to sleep" kinda way. Then I just let myself sit with that uncomfortable feeling all day. I thought well, at least he told me, he could have easily just hide it from me, but I do wish he would have told me before the date, before I let myself like him. So, now what do I do? Do I want to be the number "3" girl he "talks to" to kill the time as he waits for his "keeper" girl? Do I want to get "kicked to the curb" when I annoy him to much? My answer... NO, I FUCKING DON'T....if I wanted to be that to someone, I would have stayed married to Mr. A.S.S.Y.
So what did MaryD do? She pulled the bell and got of the bus! This is the part where I run away!! Yes, I feel sad and disappointed but I also feel kinda glad, because I learned something really important by knowing him. I discovered my love for myself again. It's still there people!! I deserve someone that protects my feelings, that thinks it's great just seeing me and isn't worried about what else might be out there that's better! I'm irreplaceable and some day some one is going to realize that...and it's gonna be when they have me and not when I'm gone! And I'm gonna love locking him out of the car and laughing when he's pumping gas, holding his hand, and kissing him good night too...but the best part is, he'll feel the exact same way about me too!
So, that's the story of my first date. Everyone has a life to live and everyone can choose to live it anyway they want to. I'm not here to judge anyone. At another point in my life, maybe I would have been okay with sharing and being someone's "something to do" but at the place I'm at now and with what I've been through, I'm just not. And that's okay too!
All fun cartoons borrowed from.....Comically Vintage
P.S. Dear lawyers the definition of the Acronym Mr. A.S.S.Y. means Mr. Assembly because he liked to put things together....yup that's exactly what that means no need to send a letter! :)