Bus Stop Goddess

A few years back when I ended my six year relationship, my gal Desi De Lu Lu and I got to chatting about Bus Stop Goddesses. See, men are like buses, there's lots of em out there and if you stand at the bus stop long enough, eventually a bus is gonna come along and pick you up. Now, any gal can stand at a bus stop and get on any dang bus that comes along but the bus stop goddess is smart about the bus she chooses to embark on.

A bus stop goddess always has correct change, knows the route she's taking, and isn't afraid to ding the bell when she wants to get off the bus. There are many reasons as to why one might want to ding the bell... the bus took an unexpected detour, the bus stopped to pick up another rider, or perhaps the bus just got a flat tire and you didn't want to have to be the one to change it. What ever the reason, the bus stop goddess isn't afraid to get off the bus even if the bus is in the middle of nowhere. She knows it's better to walk along by herself for awhile to the next bus stop then to put up with a bus going in the wrong direction. Oh, did I mention the bus stop goddess always wears comfortable shoes because she expects to do a little walking from time to time!

How to choose a good bus and other important bus notes:

• Avoid buses with no windows. These buses aren't able to see anything but themselves. When you're riding on the bus, part of the fun is being able to enjoy the views together.

• Sometimes a gal just wants to have a little fun and do a little bus hopping. I encourage exploring the different buses and their bus routes. Sometimes you didn't realize you had a certain destination in mind until a bus shows you the possibilities.

• However, if you're the kinda gal with a specific destination in mind and know exactly how you want to get there, research ALL the buses and their routes first before you get on. You might have to stand at the bus stop a little longer then other gals but eventually your bus will come. Be ready with exact change and your map to keep your bus on route!

• Sometimes a gal for what ever reason pulls the string and dings the bell to get off the bus. Hey, it happens. Make sure you gather all your stuff and just get off the bus. No matter how bumpy the bus ride became, don't ever ask for a refund, don't spray paint the outside of the bus, or throw rocks at it as it drives away. Also, when you finally make it back to the bus stop, don't talk bad about the bus and it's route to all the other bus riders. Bus stop goddesses know that sometimes bus routes don't work out with a certain bus and we always take the high road and keep our thoughts to ourselves no matter how bad the ride was.

• Sometimes for what ever reason a bus you once rode on will drive by you at the bus stop and beep at you. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, get back on that bus! No matter how sparkly new it might look or what ever new and improved bus route it has to offer you now. Bus stop goddesses know false advertising and a cheap Maaco paint job when they see it.

• Sometimes a gal gets a little bored riding on the bus and needs to do some exploring or perhaps a little shopping. A good bus will stop and leave her off for awhile but comes back for her when she's done. This is a very rare type of bus but one of the best to ride on. This bus knows it's got a solid bus route and is mechanically sound enough in itself to allow it's bus rider to explore their own interests from time to time without the bus. But a gal must remember to always be back at her bus stop on time so she can get back on her bus.

• Avoid flashy buses with lots of bells and whistles. New buses don't always mean better. Sometimes the best buses are the ones that are driven often but are well maintained and dependable.

• If the bus breaks down and expects you to be the one to fix it and get it back on the road again...GET OFF THE BUS! Buses should be able to fix themselves and should never expect a gal to do it for them.

• For Gosh sakes gals, please keep your panties on! If you find your panties are falling down all on their own at any given moment....PLEASE get new panties that fit! That is not the type of attention a bus stop goddess wants to attract on a new bus!

• NEVER GET ON A BUS IF THERE'S ANOTHER RIDER ON IT ALREADY! That's not a very reliable bus and has no idea what it's bus route is. This type of bus is driving in circles and will ALWAYS take you in the wrong direction. What gal needs unwanted bus drama.

Above anything else, a bus stop goddess always knows what she's worth and how she deserves to be treated. She knows how to take care of herself and explores her own world as she's waiting at the bus stop for the next bus. Bus stop goddesses never hitchhike or try to steal rides on other people's buses!

Happy riding gals! I'll see ya at the bus stop!